Well this escalated quickly. Billy Dee Williams is an old school movie star who still has that smooth voice that made him famous in the Star Wars franchise. Break me off a piece, if you know what I mean.
Naturally, as celebrities do after a comeback, Williams went after a younger and more famous actor on Twitter. His target was Hollywood bad boy Adam Sandler (best known or his classics Coneheads, Airheads, and The Cobbler). Williams had Sandler dead to rights for copying Lando’s look.
Sandler, star of the recently released family friendly romantic comedy Uncut Gems, had clearly stolen Lando’s look for his film. I mean the trailers for The Rise of Skywalker came out last April! Don’t give me that “oh, they were in production at the same time” nonsense. Prove it. And even if you can prove it, so what!? It’s Lando! He’s way cooler.
Anyway, as you can see below, the resemblance is undeniable.
Now all Billy Dee had to do was drop this mic the size of a nuclear bomb on Sandler’s head and watch the fallout consume the sandman. And he did just that! Except… what’s this? Sandler shot back with…a compliment?
Huh? What just happened? Obviously we all want to be Billy Dee. He was Harvey Dent in Tim Burton’s Batman 1989! The dude can do no wrong. I don’t actually know that much about Billy Dee, I’m just assuming he’s a saint.
However, he did us dirty but not even bothering to snap back a snarky reply to Sandler. It even calls into question Billy Dee’s original tweet. Was he calling Sandler a gem? I legit blacked out at the thought that Billy would tweet something nice at this man who robbed his appearance.
I’m not the only one confused by this development, either. I tracked down some people who apparently follow me on Twitter, and, after going through about 30-40 robot accounts, found someone willing to talk.
“It’s kinda unfair. What do they expect us to do with that? I can’t retweet this garbage,” said a professional troll, who goes by @SnowflakezSuck.
I agree! I know I’m supposed to stay unbiased, but this is bull. Absolute bull**it! How do I look my kids in the eye tonight knowing what this world is coming to? I don’t like change. It scares me. Like immigrants do.
I vastly prefer when we can all gang up on someone and judge them without facts or using critical thinking skills. There’s nothing better than taking shots as a community at some poor soul who just wanted to tweet out his grandma’s favorite movies. She shouldn’t have crappy taste, friend. It’s not our fault your grandma sucks. Those are the rules. It’s so easy!
I made this photo below to express just how much alike these outfits are. It’s clear as daylight, and we deserve our melodrama as a result!
Imagine your kid brother thinks you’re cool and takes some clothes from your closet for a party he was going to. Do you tell him you’re flattered by his actions? No you do not. You punch that little twerp directly in his face. Clearly Billy Dee has never had a little brother.
Unsatisfied with only analyzing Twitter, I took to the streets to find people using their handheld social media devices (I guess some people call them ‘phones’?). The first few people I saw ran away after I yelled for them to come and talk to me. *For those of you who don’t know, “yelling” is like speaking in all caps. Finally, a reasonable man in a red hat with the word “Great” on it spoke with me.
“I really haven’t seen something like this before. I guess you’d call it…cab…ker… ‘kindness?’ Or like ‘admiration?’ I don’t know, honestly,” said Roger Longville, a retail worker from Long Island.
Damn right, Roger. We don’t know. And it’s unacceptable. I hate when people say or do things I don’t understand. It makes me feel intimidated, and that reminds me of my insecurities. I think a reply one user sent to these two “adults” puts it best:
For those of you who are like me and don’t know what to do with your emotions, especially when there’s nobody to bully online, I recommend my full contact MMA (mixed martial asskicking) gym for stress relief. We’re open 24/7 because our incapability to properly express ourselves is a full time problem.
My gym is called “Safe Spaces Are Stupid” and you can call us at 1-850-555-HATE. Or just tweet at us. We will respond to tweets immediately. Until then, let’s hope Sandler and Billy Dee can pull their heads out of their butts and get with the program.
*There is a fee for my MMA gym, but this doesn’t count as an advertisement because I’m doing a public service. So don’t even start with me, dad!
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